The Referee's a .........

The Referee's a .... 

I am a coach for the Sarisbury Sparks Under 14’s boys team.  I don’t have time to actually run a team, as in go to all the meetings and do all the admin etc but I do have time to coach the boys one evening a week and on a Saturday morning.  I don’t feel like I’m giving up my time to do it but by most peoples’ standards, I guess that’s what I am doing.  I started with the team the same way that most do - my son wanted to play and I failed to take a step backwards when volunteers were asked for.  My daughters are a bit older than my son and though they do their own things, I feel guilty sometimes that I spend more time with the football than with what they’re doing. 

Tim and I started with Sarisbury Sparks Under 8s who have now become Sparks Under 14s so this is our 7^th season which doesn’t seem possible.  I think Tim did a season before that as well with an older side.  For the past 2 years, Clive has joined our intrepid band of volunteers.  Predictably, all of us have sons that play in the team.

Out of the three of us coaches, I probably played the most football in my youth and young manhood, playing in teams from Age 9 to Age 33 when everything packed up – knees, ankles and I couldn’t get a pair of shorts big enough any more.  I also managed the team I was playing for from age 22 onwards.  I have never really missed playing (apart from a brief midlife wobble when I was about 37) and I’m not one to live my own life through my son as he's his own person.  In football terms, there are similarities and differences.  In short, he’s better than I was at his age – quicker, more athletic, more skilful.  I probably had the edge in terms of physicality and being a horrible player to play against because I was basically, dirty and I combined this with being big and powerful and I never ducked out of anything – headers, tackles etc and I paid for this later on both in terms of injuries I picked up and red cards and fines.  My last appearance on grass was in a charity tournament when I was 44 and I got sent off for a retribution tackle when the ball was in another post code.

Luckily, my boy hasn't got the temper I had on the pitch – that’s a good thing.  It’s been brilliant watching him going from being one of the worst in the team to now being one of the best and captain of the side, as chosen by his fellow players.  He’s been on a bit of a journey over the years from the kid no one would pass to, to where he is now and I’m very proud of him.

Sometimes, it’s hard to coach when your son is playing.  The natural fatherly instinct is to focus on your boy and it’s difficult sometimes to give others the same attention.  You then tilt the other way and ignore your own kid.  I’m probably harder on him that I am on the others and I’m lucky that he’s got quite a thick skin so as long as I or anyone else is being fair or constructive, he takes any criticism as well intentioned and tries to do better.  One of the biggest problems is that we live in a ‘no blame’ society these days and many kids have no idea how to react when criticised, even if it’s constructive, so you have to be careful – you can use the stick or the carrot approach but you can’t use the stick and the carrot might cause offence as well.  They send you on a ‘Safeguarding Children’ course and a First Aid Course but they don’t send you on a ‘How to be a Social Worker’ course.

The stereotypical view of kids football is that the parents are the biggest problem, forgetting that you are a volunteer and also forgetting that their son is not the next Messi or Ronaldo and if he was, he wouldn’t be playing in Division 2 or 3 of the Southampton Tyro League when he was 13 or 14.  In general, I haven’t found this to be an issue though we have had players leave because they or most likely, their parents thought the grass would be greener and there would be a fast track into a higher level of football.  Careful what you wish for.

There are kids clubs around who seem to think they’re Manchester United and cherry pick players.  They hold trials every year and openly ‘poach’ players from other clubs.  Existing players from last years squad have to prove they are worthy and do trials, in cut throat manner where they may well be up against a team mate from last year for the one remaining spot in the squad for this season.  There are coaches who just seem to want to be the best they can be for themselves - as in it's more about them than the kids.  Surely the best coach at kids football will be the one that improves the most players, not the one who collects all the best players in the area, thus weakening all the other teams and then thrashing everyone in sight.  What does that prove about you as a coach?  If that's the way you want to do it then be my guest but it's not for me.  If a player gets the chance to go to a professional club academy then fair enough but this is not that scenario.

As I said, we’ve lost players to these clubs before and we indirectly lost one this year when they poached a player from another team who therefore found themselves short of a striker, so they poached one of ours, one day before the signing-on deadline so we couldn’t find another player as they'd all signed for other clubs.  Such is life.  I’ll stick to trying to make the players I have, better players.  We’ve gone up a league when we maybe shouldn’t have (we finished 3rd in the league below last year) so this season it going to be tough, especially as we’ve lost our top scorer.  

Last Sunday was amusing – kind of.  I got a text at 11pm on Saturday night telling me that we had no referee allocated for Sunday – great.  I knew instantly that I’d end up doing it - I'm not a qualified referee but I've done it before.  I actually quite enjoy refereeing but there are a few caveats. One is that I don’t want to referee my own sons team.  Another is that I don’t want to coach a team one evening and one morning per week and then not get the chance to see if they have taken anything I’ve said into the game itself.  Seeing something you’ve passed on to one of the kids actually have an effect is the most satisfying thing.  You can’t take all this in if you’re the referee.

Next morning and Tim, Clive and myself are at the ground at 9am.  Usually all our home games are played at our home ground where someone else sets up and all we have to do is concentrate on our team.  Not today though as we’re at a council pitch.  Bizarrely, the grass is like Wembley and not a dog turd covered bombsite.  However, the goalposts have no net on them so that’s the first job and it takes ages.  No one has a step ladder and I’m the tallest so guess who gets the crossbar part of that job.  Nets up, corner flags in and a last desperate plea for a referee.  We have maybe three parents who could do it but no takers.  To be fair, one has said he’ll do it as a last resort but he’s there in his jeans and is not prepared at all.  Me it is then.  There is a rule that says that coaches of teams are not allowed to referee, the implication being that they will be biased but if it’s that or no game then everyone would rather that the coach refereed.

Two minutes to kick off and I’ve introduced myself to the opposition who are a team called Southbrook and given it the speech. “I will try and get every decision correct but I will fail and get stuff wrong – when I do I want you to just accept it and get on with it”.  Thank you.  From behind one of the goals a bloke comes over to me and says that they are setting up an archery range behind the goal.  What?  Apparently it’s in the small print on the website that no one told us about.  Oh really… so, we have to ask permission to get the ball every time it goes behind the goal or else someone might get an arrow in the back of the head.  Awesome.  In the era of Safeguarding Children we have an Archery range behind the goal.  You couldn’t make it up really.

Away we go and the opposition are good.  They look better than us but we’re hanging in there and it’s 0-0 after about 15 minutes and I doze off.  My son gets involved in a battle for the ball and suddenly I’m watching him as a coach thinking “come on lad, fight for it, fight for it”.  The ball goes out of play and both players appeal for it.  Corner or goal kick?  To be honest, I don’t know.  I haven’t seen who it came off last because temporarily, I’ve forgotten I’m the referee and not a coach… so I panic and because I don’t want to be biased, I rule against my team and my son – corner.  If you aren’t sure and the linesmen aren’t helping then the rule of thumb is to give it to the defending team – but I gave a corner.

After I’ve given it I can tell from the body language of the players that I’ve got it wrong.  My son is shaking his head at me but not saying anything – fair play lad.  So, I’m hoping like mad that they don’t score and guess what – one of our players isn’t in the right position for defending the corner.  If I was coaching on the side I’d have yelled at him but of course I can’t.  Over comes the corner, carnage, a swing of a boot, an airshot and someone taps it into the net.  Great.

On we go and we get unlucky.  A ball is boomed up in the air and my lad makes a mistake, trying to control it instead of just heading it.  This happens by the half way line but he’s unlucky because most times you’d get away with that but not today.  Southbrook break well, pass, pass, pass, 2-0.  Again, I know I’d have shouted ‘head it’ whilst it was in the air if I’d been on the sideline instead of standing there with a whistle.  He may have headed it, he may not have.  Maybe Tim or Clive shouted ‘head it’.  I’m fed up but on we go – I’ve got a game to referee.

The rest of the half goes by and it’s an easy game to referee.  Both sides are trying to play no one is giving me a hard time – not parents or players or club managers etc and my team find ourselves 3-0 down.  Just before half time and we get one back, 3-1.  Half time is the time when I usually point out what I think was wrong and the three of us try and sort it out for the second half.  I can’t really say much though and this irritates the hell out of me – I feel that I’ve got a lot to say and rightly or wrongly, I think I can help but I can’t say it.  I don’t want to give anyone the thought that I’m being biased in any way.  I’ve played loads of games and been involved in loads (football and cricket) where the referee/umpire has clearly been favouring their own team but I’m not like that.  Sometimes it would be easier if I was.

The second half is terrific.  Both teams slug it out and with about 5 minutes to go we get another goal, 3-2.  My kid has had a hand in it by winning a tackle in the opposition penalty area which he had no right to win.  I want to tell him well done like I would have done from the side… but I can’t of course.  It’s a Cup game so we have nothing to lose and we got for it in the last minute but get done on the break right at the end – 4-2.  A really good game and performance from us and we are definitely improving.

I manage to grab a quick word with the boys at the end after thanking the other team for making it a good game to referee.  Kids go home and it’s left to the three amigos to pack up everything.  We actually we send our respective sons round to get the flags whilst we play silly persons trying to unhook all the goal nets and pack them away back into the bag from which they came and no longer fit into.   We’re there for about 40 minutes after everyone else has gone, packing up and talking about all the players and the game and what we need to improve on for next week and outlining what’s going to happen in training next week to try and sort out any issues and how we are going to try and improve the players.  A lot of managers and coaches will think this way whereas certain ones will just be thinking about getting rid of under-performers and poaching players from other sides.  Sure, there are times when you just want to give up with some people but that passes as long as said player turns up next week and it’s a new day and they want to work hard and improve.

My son is quiet in the car on the way home.  He had a great second half but he’s fed up about the header he didn’t go for…”and it wasn’t a corner either… crap referee”.  Cheeky git. OK, we’ll call it a 1-1 draw on the ‘mistakes we made that led to goals’ front.

I had a good vantage point for a lot of things being the referee.  I could really hear that the Southbrook team were much more vocal than us and were more determined to win challenges and were all encouraging eachother to do so.  They have a really good team and set up and play some very good football and it’ll be a good challenge to play them twice more this season.  However, the up close knowledge I gained did not make up for what was lost through being the referee.   Still, I got paid £20 which has gone in the end of season beer fund.  We’ll probably need it.  I have no desire to referee again but I bet I end up doing it more than once this season.  I don’t really blame anyone for not wanting to do it but as we are now in the second highest league of the Southampton Tyro League, you’d think we’d get allocated an official one.

We don’t have a fixture next week but the week after we play our first league game against the team who nicked our striker. They look like a good side so it will be another tough match.  I look forward to trying to pass on something that may help to correct a few of the things that weren’t quite right this week. 

Onwards…